Sometimes I wonder why do I want to put myself in this situation? Why can't I just stop myself for having feelings. I believed it's because I'm too used to be with someone since young and it's not my parents at all it's him so now when he's not here anymore I feel empty but my friends can't always meet me every single day but I just get sicked of being alone and I'm such a terrible person I either want it all or I don't want it at all. I'm unreasonable and I'm not acting like my age. I don't know who can really accept me because I doubt there will be anyone in bear future I need another break if this don't work out at the end of the year? Or even earlier? I need to change this is what I I really should do no one can help me. Everyone gets tired of telling me and I'm still not doing it. 

The problem lies with me because I can't trust. 

It's the same. Same old shit 

Back from Bkk and I should say it's really a great one. Thanks to ash and Shan for this trip. Made new friends during this trip too. Being away for 4 days made me rellized how much fun I can have with my friends and I really enjoyed it. Plus I know that I should think for myself too because some people just don't worth my attention anymore and I'm surprised that someone out there really making effort to see me smile and happy. Thank you for everything and now I'm just waiting for my results to be out on my birthday. Sighhhhhh.... I know that I will defitnately fail my IBM mod. Don't have any mood to celebrate on my actual birthday. I've early celebration from my 姐妹 and my primary school BFF. Thanks for all the effort that you guys put in! Really appreciated and because of what happened this 3 months I get to know that actually I've a lot of friends that truly standby my side and love me.

hello i found this old photo of us in my photobooth. It's bunny!!!

This week will be a good! Heading to Bkk with ash and shan. 

Impromptu 4 days 3 nights trip.

At least i'm leaving here although i wasted on my maldives trip. 

What's 1st August gonna be? I've plans. I'm gonna get back to basketball. Gonna join back after 5years of not playing it. Trying out tough. I hope SIM team players will be nice to me! I just want to be busy every single day. Maybe just have 1-2 days of rest that's all. When there's spare time I start to think hell lot of shits. I'm glad that this is the only space that I'm able to pen down my thoughts. No one reads this space any more. So it's really alright. I hope that you'll ask me out as a friend because I don't want to lose you as a friend. Everyone says that I'm a idiot or why am I so selfish and putting myself down again. I didn't want this back but I still can't let it go. I can't stand to be alone no one can really understand how it feels like. Maybe only 1-2 of them that's going thru what I've been thru and yea they will understand. The rest will just be saying what's so difficult and I should not be always having the thought of you. It sucks seriously really. 

Been keeping myself busy. Always finding things to do if possible. I THINK I NEED TO STOP. I'm feeling so tired. 

Yes I think that I'm being a bitch for doing all these. I didn't show what's the real me. I'm sorry for getting back to what I used to think it's good for me.